


A Great Idea

by ebifry



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dave Strider Raps, Explicit Language, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Meteorstuck, PWP without Porn, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Retcon Timeline, Threesome - M/M/M, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 06:35:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20077756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ebifry/pseuds/ebifry
Summary: Dave tries to set up a threesome with himself from the future.A fade-to-black pwp written entirely in pesterlog format.





	A Great Idea

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

TG: hey karkat

CG: HEY.

TG: do you ever think about just using your powers

CG: WHAT POWERS?

TG: in creative and unconventional ways

TG: any powers

TG: ok my powers specifically

TG: my time powers

TG: that i decided not to use anymore

CG: NO.

TG: oh ok that’s cool then

CG: I DON’T THINK ABOUT USING YOUR POWERS BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT MY POWERS AND YOU SAID YOU WEREN’T GOING TO USE THEM.

CG: AM I FUCKING MISSING SOMETHING HERE.

TG: no

TG: maybe

TG: no

CG: ARE YOU IN THE LAB?

TG: yes

CG: CAN YOU GET ME SOME COFFEE?

TG: uh ok sure. where are you?

CG: CAN TOWN

TG: ill be there in 5

\-- turntechGodhead[TG]began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]--

TG: oh fuck i totally forgot to talk to you about the thing

CG: WHAT THING?

TG: the thing i was gonna talk to you about this morning

TG: yknow the time powers thing

CG: OH YES THAT THING. THE THING ABOUT USING THE POWERS YOU SAID YOU WEREN’T GOING TO USE TO AVOID THE TRAUMA OF STUMBLING ACROSS YOUR OWN DEAD AND OR MULTILATED CORPSES. I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU’RE BRINGING THIS UP.

TG: well

TG: ive been thinking

TG: maybe if its not a combat situation and i only create a short loop itd be ok

CG: DAVE.

TG: what

CG: TRAUMA, DAVE.

TG: i know

CG: DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU EXPERIENCE HUMAN TRAUMA?

TG: wtf whats human about it

CG: I HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU TALK ABOUT IT.

CG: AGAIN.

CG: AND AGAIN.

CG: AND AGAIN.

CG: AND WHILE I ENJOY LISTENING TO YOU TALK, I SUGGEST YOU AVOID DELIBERATELY PLACING YOURSELF IN UPSETTING SITUATIONS TO SPARE BOTH OF OUR SANITIES.

TG: aww <3

CG: STOP THAT.

TG: time travel threesome

CG: WHAT.

TG: thats my idea

TG: isnt it a great idea

CG: YOU’VE FUCKING LOST IT.

TG: aww cmon man itll be fun

CG: .

CG: WHAT IF THERE’S A CORPSE.

TG: there wont be ill be careful

CG: ARE YOU SURE?

TG: yeah

TG: trust me i know how all this time stuff works

CG: UHH.

CG: I HAVE MY DOUBTS.

CG: NOT DOUBTS IN YOUR ABILITIES PER SAY BUT DOUBTS IN YOUR CAPACITY TO FULLY COMPREHEND THE RESULTS OF YOUR ACTIONS.

CG: AND I’M DONE WITH CORPSES AND DEAD TROLLS.

CG: ALSO DEAD HUMANS.

CG: DEAD THINGS FULL STOP.

CG: FUCK.

TG: wait how would i even die in this situation

CG: YOU’RE THE ONE WHO SAID YOU UNDERSTAND THIS.

TG: omg

TG: if i did would it be heroic

TG: actually yeah

TG: death by threesome

TG: thats heroic as fuck

TG: up on my luck

TG: jacked off to the max just tryin to relax

TG: snacks backs tax

TG: wax

TG: hmm

TG: ill workshop it

TG: shoulda got some snacks and paid my tax

TG: but im hard for k kat and the rhymes i wax

TG: slip slop its too late i ejaculate

TG: world fades to black as i asphyxiate

TG: fuck yeah

TG: then the beat drops

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is now an idle chum! --

TG: karkat?

TG: think about it ok

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

TG: so about the time travel thing

CG: THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA.

TG: its a great idea

CG: NO, IT’S TERRIBLE.

TG: i talked to rose about it

CG: WHAT.

CG: EXCUSE ME?

TG: dw i didnt say why i wanted to do it

CG: YOU TOLD ROSE YOU INTEND TO USE YOUR TIME POWERS FOR COPULATION.

TG: what no

TG: gross

TG: dude

TG: i told you, i didnt say what i was going to use them for. just that i was thinking of using them again

TG: also can you just say sex

CG: ...

CG: SO WHAT DID SHE SAY?

TG: she said she didnt see any unfavorable outcomes in my future

TG: so you know what that means

TG: this threesome is seer approved

CG: BULLSHIT.

TG: seer fucking approved

TG: karkat

TG: she knows everything its rock solid

TG: no dead daves

TG: just alive ones

TG: all for you

TG: so many daves

CG: FUCK OFF.

CG: YOU SAID THREE.

TG: lets start with two

CG: UGH.

CG: I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS ANYMORE.

TG: ok

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

CG: FUCK IT, LET’S DO IT.

TG: yesssss

Later that day...

KARKAT: I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M DOING THIS.

DAVE: its gonna be great

KARKAT: UGH.

DAVE: dont make that face

KARKAT: HNNNNNG.

(FUTURE DAVE): hi

DAVE: oh hey

KARKAT: FUCK.

(DAVE): hey karkat

KARKAT: UM, HI, DAVE FROM THE FUTURE WHO JUST APPEARIFIED OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE.

KARKAT: WHY ARE YOU NAKED.

(DAVE): why wouldnt i be?

KARKAT: ...

DAVE: welcome, second dave

(DAVE): thank you first dave

DAVE: are you ready to be the bread to my other slice of bread

DAVE: and make a karkat sandwich

KARKAT: KILL ME NOW.

(DAVE): um, so

(DAVE): about that

(DAVE): id love to

(DAVE): but

(DAVE): i totally didnt think this through

KARKAT: WOW, WHAT A SURPISE. IS ANYONE SURPRISED.

DAVE: shh let him talk

(DAVE): so yeah

(DAVE): like

(DAVE): im actually kind of tired

(DAVE): since i just

(DAVE): yknow

(DAVE): already did all this

DAVE: oh shit

(DAVE): yeah

DAVE: i totally didnt think of that

(DAVE): i know right

DAVE: fuck

KARKAT: OH MY GOD.

(DAVE): i could go for a nap right now

(DAVE): and some aj

(DAVE): me from the future drank all of mine

DAVE: here have the rest

(DAVE): thanks

KARKAT: I TOLD YOU THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.

KARKAT: I TOLD YOU.

KARKAT: AND DID YOU LISTEN?

KARKAT: OF COURSE NOT.

KARKAT: BECAUSE YOU NEVER LISTEN WHEN YOU HAVE REALLY FUCKING STUPID IDEAS.

KARKAT: IT’S LIKE YOU ONLY LISTEN TO CRITICISM WHEN YOU’RE DOING SOMETHING YOU’RE GENUINELY INVESTED IN

KARKAT: AS AN ACT OF SELF SABOTAGE

KARKAT: BECAUSE YOUR PISS POOR SELF ESTEEM WON’T LET YOU SUCCEED.

KARKAT: BUT IF YOU KNOW AN IDEA IS TERRIBLE YOU JUST BARREL STRAIGHT AHEAD.

KARKAT: LIKE ALWAYS.

KARKAT: HA HA HA, HOW “””””””IRONIC””””””””

KARKAT: AND WHEN IT INEVITABLY BLOWS UP IN YOUR FACE I HAVE TO LISTEN TO ALL OF YOUR STUPID AND TOTALLY AVOIDABLE NEGATIVE FEELINGS WITHOUT SUCUMBING TO THE OVERWHELMING URGE TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO, YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

DAVE:

(DAVE):

DAVE: wow

DAVE: way to kill the mood

(DAVE): that was just as savage the second time around

DAVE: anyway

DAVE: do you wanna just watch or something

DAVE: or give karkat a cuddle

(DAVE): yeah i can do that

(DAVE): wait i need to use the bathroom first

KARKAT: UUUUUGH ARRRRRGH.

KARKAT: THIS IS SO STUPID.

DAVE: cmon man im trying to do a thing for you

KARKAT: A THING?????

(DAVE): yeah a thing

KARKAT: YOU STAY OUT OF THIS.

DAVE: hey don’t yell at him

KARKAT: I’LL FUCKING YELL AT WHOEVER I FUCKING WANT TO.

KARKAT: AND STOP SLURPING THAT FUCKING JUICE.

(DAVE): uhhh

DAVE: sorry hes like this sometimes

(DAVE): dude i know i literally just sat through this conversation

DAVE: oh

DAVE: right

(DAVE): brb

KARKAT: ...

DAVE: time travel

KARKAT: SHUT THE FUCK UP.

DAVE: to help us unravel

KARKAT: DO NOT START RAPPING.

DAVE: uh ok

DAVE: ...

KARKAT: ...

DAVE: ...

DAVE: oh hey again

(DAVE): this is dave air requesting permission to land

DAVE: permission granted

(DAVE): engaging landing gear

KARKAT: OH MY FUCKING GOD.

(DAVE): oh shit there’s a troll on the runway

DAVE: oh shit abort abort

(DAVE): taking evasive maneuvers

(DAVE): nrrrrrrrrrm

DAVE: whats your status dave air

(DAVE): imminent collision with a hot piece of ass

KARKAT: OOF.

(DAVE): put it there

DAVE: job well done

KARKAT: STOP HIGH-FIVING.

KARKAT: AND STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT.

KARKAT: BOTH OF YOU.

DAVE: heh

(DAVE): heh heh

DAVE: so are we gonna fuck or what

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

CG: I’M STILL NOT OVER HOW UNFATHOMABLY STUPID THAT WAS.

CG: IT WAS POSSIBLY THE STUPIDEST THING I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO EXPERIENCE.

CG: AND MY LIFE HAS BASICALLY BEEN A NONSTOP CLUSTERFUCK OF MISTAKES AND FAILURE SO THAT’S REALLY SAYING SOMETHING.

TG: stop beating yourself up

TG: also cmon admit it, it was fun

TG: you had fun

CG: OK MAYBE A LITTLE.

TG: <3

CG: NO.

TG: <3 <3 <3

TG: youre the best

CG: UGH.

CG: <3


End file.
